To Conquer Fear



Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 13:15

I am suffering today. It isn’t constant. It’s more intermittent. For hours or even days I can go along as if all is well because I feel as if all is well and then it hits. Something has been taken from me through literally no fault of my own. Yesterday morning while praying I realized that even if it is returned to me it would never be the same. Beyond that I realized that I really am an innocent victim and that reminded me of Jesus. This suffering of mine is infinitesimal in comparison to that of Jesus Christ but one thing I share with him is innocence. This loss is truly a punishment, that part has been made quite clear to me. What has not been made clear is why I’m being punished. As I go over and over it I can see that there is no offense, which is why I cannot get an explanation. I am suffering. It hurts and it’s sad. I see no good resolution, which is sadder still. Yet, there is a blessing.

This suffering has been going on for quite awhile now and through it all I have experienced more closeness with God, more peace and even more joy. Just this morning when I was thanking God for showing me the connection this gives me, however thin, to Jesus in his suffering, our Father in his merciful love taught me even more.

Through this time I have learned that I can indeed do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13). God has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11). I can call on him and he will answer. (Jeremiah 33:3). He will work even this for my good (Romans 8:28) and in Jesus Christ I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). Those aren’t just great ideas or words in a book. Those are absolute facts. The veracity of God’s promise to love and protect me is what makes this unbearable situation bearable.

I am in the fire at times—being washed over by flood waters at others. I have felt the heat and gasped for air as the water splashed my face. Neither flame nor deluge, however, has consumed me. I am still standing. Standing, I add, in full confidence, on the promises from my Father.

When my legs wobble, he strengthens them. When my resolve wavers he comforts me. When the pain is all I can see or feel he reminds me of my many blessings and of his deep abiding love for me. Peace that passes understanding is a real deal.

Suffering is useless, unless it is given over to a loving Father who uses it as a teachable, growable, moment. I lose that peace when I try to see what’s next. When I give my mind to the when and how can this ever resolve, I lose that precious peace.

It is not my job to “fix” this situation. It is my privilege to know a miniscule piece of the suffering of Jesus. It is my responsibility to let go and allow God to resolve this in his perfect will. It is my job to trust him and not lean on my own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

What stops me from trusting God? What prompts me to let my mind wander and spin around possible outcomes, the worst of which is status quo? Fear, the answer to those questions is fear. To which God says, “Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18) And who I am to argue with that?

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