Don’t Fight Love





The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the
everlasting arms. He will drive out your enemy before you saying,
“Destroy him!” Deuteronomy 33:27


My daughter Laura is an amazing young woman. We are blessed to have a great relationship. We’ve weathered some pretty big storms and rocky patches but we always end up in each other’s corner. Most of our angst has come when, being older, being protective and being Mom, I have tried to talk her out of something or shown my disapproval. In those times Laura has sought other counsel, the kind that she knows will agree with her. Hm, sounds like a lot of us, doesn’t it?

The other day she called me with a choice she was making and I disagreed. At first it went the same old way. I was honest with her and shared my thoughts. She defended her position and eventually ended the conversation not happy with me. Just as I was thinking that perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything, kept my mouth shut to avoid upsetting her, considering that it was her choice and didn’t impact me at all, she called me back. She called to thank me and apologize for getting edgy. She said, “You’re right Mom. It wouldn’t work out.” What?

When I got off the phone I felt so good. It wasn’t about the decision, although frankly, I was relieved, it was about the interaction. She asked, I was honest with her and she heard me, heard my concern for her wellbeing. It is a huge step for us and this morning it seems even bigger.

A bit earlier today I was listening to a song called “By Your Side” in which the lyricist talks about that exact dynamic. The words from Jesus are that he is by our side, wherever, whenever and he begs us not to fight him. I’m holding you, he says. Why? Our Father in heaven knows what is best for us. When we don’t turn to him we get in bigger trouble. The worse it gets the farther we go.

The message of the song is exactly what I’ve told Laura and her brothers over and over again. I want to help you, I want to hold and comfort you but I can’t if you fight me. You have to trust in my love for you. I’ve said it to them more times than I can count and our Father says it to us infinitely.

The similarity is that I gave my children the opportunity to grow up, to make their own choices and their own mistakes and face the consequences while still loving them and being willing to encourage and support them, just as God does for me. The differences are much bigger. First of all I don’t always know what is right and best and God does. He knows what will draw us closer and what will cause irrevocable harm. Second, in Jesus we have salvation. I can’t take on the sins of my children and make them my own. Jesus can and did. By his blood we are washed clean and invited to come home free and clear.

My beautiful, precious, amazing daughter did a huge thing the other day. Forget whether I was right or she was because honestly, it could have gone either way. There is a chance that she would have been fine. The big deal is that she apologized. She got a bit irritated with me but she owned that in order to make things better. It makes it easier for me to be by her side offering protection, advice and love. I can’t make her life perfect but I can help. Her willingness to be humble smoothed what could have stayed bumpy for days.

We need to trust in Jesus and his enormous love for us. I’ve made huge sacrifices for Laura but I cannot save her. My offerings to her pale by far in comparison to what God has for us and yet, I get aggravated when she can’t see that I just want what’s best for her. Our Father does not get aggravated but we do break his heart when pride keeps us from his love. He is begging us to accept his loving embrace. Why would we ever say no?

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