God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites; ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” Exodus 3:14
In the course of my faith walk, I have been asked if I have doubts. Uh, yes! There are often follow up questions. What about when this happens? Why do you think that happens? Why does God, a loving God, allow [fill in the blank]? More often than not my answer to the follow up questions is that I simply don’t know. While I love being God’s ambassador, a witness to his unending, enormous love, grace and power, I do not pretend to understand him fully or even semi-fully. This I know, God is real. His love is real. He is absolutely in my corner and if you will invite him in, he will absolutely be in your corner.
I know that I am saved by grace, by the all-encompassing sacrifice made by Jesus on the Cross. Much like my brothers in faith before me, I have doubts and I take great comfort in Matthew 28:17. “When they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted.”
These were men who spent three years walking alongside Jesus day after day. They saw him feed thousands of people with a child’s lunch. They saw him heal people nearly dead and restore life to those already dead. They watched as he literally scared the devil out of a few people. They saw him walk on water and one of them took a few steps on that lake himself. And they doubted.
I was told my child, if he lived, would have brain damage. That “child” is a grown man now with more than one advanced degree, two children (and one on the way) of his own, a lovely wife and a nice career. He is not only alive but actually quite intelligent. My challenge in raising him wasn’t that he was limited, it was that I was. I couldn’t keep up with his questions. Please understand, there was no Google then. Paul is one of many miracles in my life for sure but still, I doubt at times.
Doubting is a human reaction. When things don’t go our way, we doubt God’s love. When things seem too big, we doubt God’s power. That is normal. It’s uncomfortable at least and terrifying at worst, but normal.
The best moments for me are the ones, in good times, bad times or just ordinary times when I am overwhelmed by the truth of God, his power and sovereignty. Those moments of clarity, of realizing that not only is God who and what he says he is but that he is all of those things for me, are transcendent.
God is God and I am not. I am however, his child, chosen, forgiven, free and dearly loved. Allow the doubtful moments and don’t panic over them. They make the moments of certainty that much sweeter.