Believing

Immediately the boy’s father answered, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

Boy can I relate to this guy! For years I have thought that this verse was about not having enough faith, believing deeply enough. It may be, but today I am wondering if all these years I’ve gotten it wrong. The man has just asked Jesus to heal his son, “if you can.” To which Jesus replies by repeating the, if you can and telling the dad that everything is possible for people who believe. Which elicits this famous, to me at least, response, that he does believe but maybe not enough, or as I’m seeing it today, maybe not in the right way.

I believe in God. In fact I’m fascinated by the arguments of people who don’t. I find it remarkable that they can’t see the holes in their theories. Believing in God is easy. There are signs and evidence of His existence everywhere we look or in the fact that we exist and that we can look. That part is quite simple. I believe God can do anything He chooses to do. Further I believe that what He does, whether I like it or not, is right and best. So what’s the problem, right? I believe in God. I believe He can and will for other people. What I’m not sure is that I believe He can and will for me.

Please understand, He has already done so many amazing things for me. So many of His promises have manifested in my life and I know they are from Him. Now, I wonder if perhaps He is tired of my neediness, which I know intellectually cannot happen. I do believe but I need help in my unbelief. I believe in God. I just don’t know whether I believe Him or in other words, trust Him.

I suppose this could be a crisis of faith. In some ways I can see that it is. In other ways it isn’t terribly disconcerting because I believe that Jesus came to save me. I believe that I am going home at the end of my days here. What I’m not sure I believe, or believe deeply enough, is that God is in my small stuff.

One day, many years ago I was the father in this verse, begging for my son’s deliverance, begging for his healing. The result? God healed him. My son is a grown, wonderful, crazy intelligent guy. Thank you Lord! After a miracle like that, one might believe they’ve used up their credit with God. The thing is God doesn’t work that way and in giving me so much more, so many other miracles and blessings He has shown me that He isn’t that way. My unbelief, and maybe the dad from Scripture felt the same way, comes from viewing God as finite and human. God is eternal. Better than that, God is eternal love. I do believe and I am praying for grace and strength to overcome my unbelief.

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