Vashti’s Disrespect

But when the attendant delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.
Then Memucan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, “Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes.” Esther 1:12, 16


If you don’t know the whole story here, I suggest you read it. For one thing, this message will make more sense, but mostly because it is a great story. The Queen Vashti part isn’t terribly long but it sets the scene for the entire book of Esther. Xerxes is mad! His wife has embarrassed him and the story goes on from there. It seems a small moment but it has huge consequences.

I love the book of Esther and have read it a few times as well as doing a couple of Bible studies about it. No matter how many times I read it I am struck by the level of disrespect Queen Vashti shows to her husband. He sends for her, asking her to come to him, so that he can show his friends his wonderful, lovely wife. And she says no! What is that?

God created Adam and seeing that he needed a companion he created Eve. The relationship was meant to be mutually supportive. There was a role for the man and a role for the woman.

First of all it shows that she has no idea what role a woman plays in a man’s life. Now, wait, before you get all mad at me, let me explain. If we lived in man/woman relationships the way God intended before we brought our lovely free will to the table and messed things up, life would be a lot nicer. I see Vashti’s disrespect in direct contrast to one of the nicest marriages I have ever been privileged to observe. That is the marriage of my friend Mary’s parents. Mr. and Mrs. Kouides were my neighbors for many years. Mary, has been my best friend since we were ten and that gave me a very close up look at her parents.

Never, in a million years can imagine Mr. K asking Mrs. K to greet his friends and getting a negative response. Of course they had disagreements, every couple does, but never did I witness disrespect between them. Once when we were darling teenagers Mary made a not so nice remark about her mom, nothing awful just sassy. To see her dad’s reaction she may as well have cussed her mother out. We both got a lecture on respect. You might think that I would be aggravated to be included in that talking to, but I wasn’t. I was just impressed with how quickly and completely Mr. K. defended his wife. Why was he so good to her? That answer is simple, because he received love and respect from her.

Respect is missing from a lot of marriages these days. We see far more Vashti and far less Mrs. K. behaviors. We also see far more of divorce, bitterness and emptiness. Just one more example of how badly things go when we choose our own way instead of the way God intended.

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