Papa, Wake Up

A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stren, sleeping on a cuching. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. Mark 4:37-39

The Gospels of Matthew and Luke tell this story as well. They tell it a bit differently, without as much panic in the voices of the disciples. I like this one. It reminds me of so many times in my own life, so many, maybe too many conversations I have had with God. “Hello! I’m drowning here. Can’t you see this? Don’t you care?” 

When I think about it after the fact it seems so terribly unfaithful. It is a lack of faith. Things may look, feel and even be scary or bad but if I believe, as I say that I do, that God is in control, then what is the problem?  In all three accounts of this event Jesus points to the lack of faith of the disciples. In Mark he asks, “Why are you so afraid?” Now there is an excellent question. Why indeed. My guess is that because, like me, they weren’t sure things were going to go their way.

Do I want the will of God to prevail in my life? Absolutely! As long as I don’t get soaking wet, or hurt, or humiliated, or sick, or abandoned, or broken, or whatever else makes life hard.

There is always that moment where I try to convince myself that it isn’t a lack of faith in God. Instead it is fear of the outcome. Stop laughing. I know, when you put actual words to it or see it in writing, it is ridiculous to think that those two things are different in any way. The outcome after all is in God’s hands. Therefore it is perfect and should not be feared and yet, oh there it is....lack of faith.

The disciples are freaking out. “Why is he sleeping?” “How can he be sleeping?” They’re looking at the storm seeing certain, watery death and Jesus is snoring.  That reminds me of a book the students in my class love and I strongly dislike. They listen to it on the computer and every few lines the boy yells, “Papa, WAKE UP!” It’s annoying but I can see Jesus’ disciples standing over him, yelling in that same obnoxious way, “Jesus, WAKE UP!”

Then he does. “What is your problem?” Looks around, with an “oh that” air and says to the weather. “Get over yourself! Calm down.” Then turning back to them asks again, “What is your problem?”  Kindness being his nature, he gives them the answer, “It’s lack of faith. Basically, you don’t trust me.” Ouch!

There in the disciples reaction, I see myself again, frantic. “Papa, WAKE UP!” And to my circumstances God says, “Calm down.” Unfortunately he doesn’t always say it when I want. He says it at what I often see as the eleventh hour. I don’t like it but that’s how my faith grows. The more eleventh hour rescues I experience the more I learn to expect them. Yes, he does know what’s happening and as soon as the time is right he’ll step in and fix things. Until then I can yell “WAKE UP!” as loud as I want but I’ll only regret it later. Better to say, “not my will, but yours.” Then I don’t have to repent later on.