When My Heart Can’t


 

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

On and off again for several months I have struggled with bitterness. Just when I think I have a handle on it that handle becomes slick with the oil of self and slips through my hands. The truth is I can’t get a handle on it so I asked for help.

While reading about Moses and turning the bitter water sweet, (Exodus 15:25) God revealed to me that the Cross, the sacrifice of Jesus, was the wood that would make my bitterness sweet, if I would let it.

The problem with bitterness is that it sometimes feels justified. People have offended me, so it’s okay for me to feel bitter. No! It’s okay for me to feel hurt but bitterness is more dangerous to me than any word or act of another person.  So I picked up a little piece of wood put it in a baggy and began to carry it around with me. Whenever bitter thoughts threatened I could remind myself that Jesus carried an enormous piece of wood that obliterated the power of bitterness and beyond that, brought healing for my hurt. Thank you Jesus and Amen!

God’s grace is so far beyond what any of us can understand.  I felt such gratitude that He had given me such definite and simple guidance that produced so much freedom. The situations haven’t changed but my view has and I felt so much better, peace was taking over where bitterness had reigned.

It seemed that the lesson was finished, until this morning. This morning I read a sentence about God giving us His grace and joy.  That stopped me. God gives us grace and joy, of course. Where else would we get it? Something nagged at the edge of my mind. God gives us His grace and joy.

The bitterness in my heart is gone but my heart is still broken. If in this moment I have to speak to the people who hurt me, how would I do that? There is nothing in my heart for them right now except for the love God put there. There is nothing of me in that. I love them because God loves me. That is His grace. If I were to encounter them today I could be gracious, not out of my own broken heart, the heart that wants explanations, apologies or at least closure, but I could be gracious by the power of the heart of God.

Many times I’ve prayed to have God’s heart for a person or circumstance and He has been gracious to share with me, His view of the situation. When my heart can’t or won’t respond, God’s heart will.

Grace.  I talk to my husband and a couple of close friends about grace all the time. Every now and then one of us gets a glimmer of understanding but there are so many facets to grace. It is exciting to know that the more I learn and think I perceive the more there is to know.

When my heart can’t, God’s can. I’ll stay with that one for today but I am excited to see what He shows me tomorrow.

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